Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Oh, I'm so sorry..uh, I mean, congratulations?

So I found out today that one of my coworkers, who I consider a good work friend, is expecting a second child, or rather, his wife is. They have a 4 year old son, and as I shared an office with this guy for a little over a year, and he talks about his son a lot, of course the question of me having kids came up. He couldn't believe I didn't want kids. Looked as if I'd said that I liked to behead kittens and watch the videos later for relaxation. He did admit that he never gave any thought to having kids, they just did it. To their credit, they did wait almost ten years after getting married, so they didn't have a kid right away, and gave themselves a chance to get established and save some money.

Still, he does admit it has it's drawbacks. He said that for about a year after their son was born, his wife "went crazy". When I asked what he meant, he couldn't really provide details. He did say that they didn't have sex for over a year after the kid was born. I couldn't believe that. A married couple, who seems very close and affectionate, not having sex for over a YEAR???

He said oh yeah, then went on to tell me that many of his friends didn't have sex for even longer periods after their kids were born. He said one couple didn't have sex for about 2 and a half years.

That just stunned me. These were people that had kids in their late 20's or early 30's. Ok, everyone gets busy with work, chores, etc., and I'm SURE having kids makes you busier and more tired. But TWO AND A HALF YEARS???. That just seems cruel. I can understand a new mother not feeling phsyically or emotionally up for sex for a couple of months. But nothing for over 2 years? To me, that shows a deep lack of consideration for your spouse. How healthy can your marriage be if there is no sexual intimacy for such a long period of time? I'm not saying it would justify the man having an affair, but I can understand why someone whose wife hasn't wanted to have sex them them for two years would feel awfully tempted.

So, when this coworker said they were expecting another chilld, my instictive response was "Oh, I'm so sorry!" Of course, the way he said it, it was clear that this pregnancy was planned and intentional, so I forced a smile and congratulated him, feeling like a huge hypocrite, but it made him happy. I found out later that he had told other people several weeks earlier. I guess he still has the idea that I hate all kids, which I don't. I don't automatically love all kids. But it was wierd that a good work friend didn't tell me his big news, but told a lot of other people.

Oh well, better him than me. He's the one who will be complaining when his wife goes crazy again!


InnerKeening said...

Him not telling you is his problem, not yours. I'm sure the reason he didn't tell you is that he's probably not as "into" the pregnancy like his wife is, and all he wants to hear are congratulations, not "um... great".

Michelle L. said...

Two and a half years????


That's not a relationship, that's ROOMMATES.